2014, Blog, The Archives

Writing the Wisdom of Your Soul – The Fool

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[This post is part of my October writing challenge where we’re mixing writing with tarot to unlock our the wisdom of our souls]

The Fool

IMG_20141002_192314Where am I going?

It’s a question I ask myself with absurd frequency.

I never come up with a destination. I have hazy pictures in my mind of somewhere I wouldn’t mind seeing or something that I might possibly, maybe want to do or experience.

I move forward, without a map. I fear stagnation but I’m beginning to see that my forward motion is really busy-ness, a spinning in the same spot frenzy with the occasional baby-step forward.

I frustrate myself with the inability to see long term or even mid term.

I feel there’s something wrong with me. That I don’t want things badly enough.  That I don’t have enough passion.

And then there’s the part of me that I don’t want to acknowledge.  That perhaps I like being stuck. That spinning in my busy-ness keeps me safe while simultaneously satisfying my ego that I’m doing everything I can.

Worst still, that on a deeper level, I’m not worthy of having a life that I’m madly in love with.  Perhaps the spinning induced vertigo makes my ears ring so I can’t hear the thumpty-thump of my heart.

I don’t have a five-year plan or even a one-year plan.   What I have is an ability to do things.  I can tick off my to-do list like a speed demon but planning out where my soul wants to take me? I freeze.

Occasionally, my soul whispers things to me and makes me listen.  My soul shoves me out of my spinning and I make things happen.  They happen fast.  I need to do things. I don’t give myself the time to panic, plan or procrastinate.

I move.

I do.

I am the Fool.

I feel myself catapulted further along my soul path, one step closer to what I’m meant to be doing.  Really meant to be doing. Not just filling time with busy-ness.

And I say to myself:  I’m really going somewhere now.

And I am.

I just don’t know where.

2 Comments

  1. Linda Ursin

    2nd October 2014 at 8:41 pm

    I have a lot of the same things going on. Although I know I am worthy, and you definitely are too.

  2. Michelle

    3rd October 2014 at 11:59 pm

    So much of this rings absolutely true with me, too. I glimpse where I think I want to be but it’s far more like a feeling than images. For now, I’ll just keep putting one word in front of the other.

    For now…

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