It’s been a while since I wrote a post.
Not only is today the full moon but it’s the first day that feels like spring (it’s 23C, which is baking hot by English standards). I feel as if I’ve been in a 4-year hibernation, a long winter in which I wanted to hide in the shadows, not willing to poke out of my hidey-hole. Just not wanting to become visible.
Until recently, I haven’t wanted to write anything, including these newsletters – I didn’t even write for the Monday Morning Soul Missives anthology that I published in February. I was content to keep to a publisher role rather than author.
Nor have I wanted to create. I dusted off my paints just a few weeks ago to paint my Mother’s Day present: a drum. I’d forgotten how much I enjoy crafting. I lost myself in artwork, the drum and the seal.
I haven’t even shared my recent adventures in talking at the Wild Witchcraft conference, going to the Mithraeum temple in London, looking at artefacts in Oxford museums or trying to find fossils on the Jurassic Coast.
But something is stirring now.
Maybe it’s spring.
Maybe it’s the full moon illuminating the path ahead.
Maybe it’s a perimenopausal rush of hormones.
I don’t know exactly.
But it feels like integration.
While I’ve been indulging in my spiritual-winter, I’ve realised that I’m disconnected from all the parts of myself. I’m aware of who I am but how do you present to a world that doesn’t see the value in multi-talents or interests. I’m haunted by Jack of All Trades.
My friend Allison Marlowe and I were chatting around my dining room table about labels. We’re actually going to chat some more in an upcoming podcast but as women in business, it’s difficult to say what you do when you do more than one thing.
The business world screams at you to find your niche but some of us (and maybe that’s you too) can’t be contained in one category. We don’t fit in a box. We can’t be easily defined or contained. This is for life as well as business.
If you’re called to service, especially if that involves a spiritual element, you can end up feeling fragmented if you try to remove the spirit from your ‘day job’. I know I’ve struggled with this. I sit in the middle, like the High Priestess in tarot, between the pillar of business technology and the pillar of seeing the world through a different, otherworldly, non-linear lens. I can do complex spreadsheet formula and gaze into oracles to find guidance. I can create websites and I can hold sacred space. I can be very logical and linear and yet I can flow, spiral and create.
Through these seemingly contradictory skills, I have a superpower of unravelling knots (figuratively and literally).
It’s easier to hide away, buried in the long spiritual winter than to be visible. Not just visible but wholly integrated into one’s being. Owning everything, blurring the lines and being brave enough to show the world that pigeon-holing doesn’t work for everyone (does it work for anyone?).
I guess it comes down to holding onto fear. Fear that if we reveal the multi-facets of our beings that others will reject us, not understand us, ridicule us. It’s safer to live among labels than to write our own.
Tonight, as I keep a watchful eye on the moon, I hold the intention of integration. I wish the lunar beams to cast aside the shadowy labels we’ve entwined ourselves. And I wish to emerge, you and I, with acceptance and without fear of our wholeness.
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