[This post is part of my October writing challenge where we’re mixing writing with tarot to unlock our the wisdom of our souls]

The Fool

IMG_20141002_192314Where am I going?

It’s a question I ask myself with absurd frequency.

I never come up with a destination. I have hazy pictures in my mind of somewhere I wouldn’t mind seeing or something that I might possibly, maybe want to do or experience.

I move forward, without a map. I fear stagnation but I’m beginning to see that my forward motion is really busy-ness, a spinning in the same spot frenzy with the occasional baby-step forward.

I frustrate myself with the inability to see long term or even mid term.

I feel there’s something wrong with me. That I don’t want things badly enough.  That I don’t have enough passion.

And then there’s the part of me that I don’t want to acknowledge.  That perhaps I like being stuck. That spinning in my busy-ness keeps me safe while simultaneously satisfying my ego that I’m doing everything I can.

Worst still, that on a deeper level, I’m not worthy of having a life that I’m madly in love with.  Perhaps the spinning induced vertigo makes my ears ring so I can’t hear the thumpty-thump of my heart.

I don’t have a five-year plan or even a one-year plan.   What I have is an ability to do things.  I can tick off my to-do list like a speed demon but planning out where my soul wants to take me? I freeze.

Occasionally, my soul whispers things to me and makes me listen.  My soul shoves me out of my spinning and I make things happen.  They happen fast.  I need to do things. I don’t give myself the time to panic, plan or procrastinate.

I move.

I do.

I am the Fool.

I feel myself catapulted further along my soul path, one step closer to what I’m meant to be doing.  Really meant to be doing. Not just filling time with busy-ness.

And I say to myself:  I’m really going somewhere now.

And I am.

I just don’t know where.

Subscribe To My Newsletter

I'd love to keep in touch with you.  Sign up to my weekly(ish) newsletter and I'll also send you a copy of my Writing the Wisdom of Your Soul workbook (it's a writing journey with a tarot twist).

You have Successfully Subscribed!

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This